i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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