Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
