By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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