i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
