About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
