Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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