I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
