And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
