I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
