Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
