what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
