There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
