highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
