I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
