Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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