It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
