You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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