i just made my gag reflex go away.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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