Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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