Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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