all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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