I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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