you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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