so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
