Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
