please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
