just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
