That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
