She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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