Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
