I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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