My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
