I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
