he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
