honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
