You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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