Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
