there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
