is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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