winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
