I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
