I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Houston, we have a blender
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
