Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
