No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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