You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Damn victory sex feels great
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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