she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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