Three words: puerto rican gang bang
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
