dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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