Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
