Just fell off a train. Bad.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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