You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
