We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
